Comparison; the Thief of Joy
Go All In
After a 2+ year stint, last night marked my final Sunday in Los Angeles. I’m heading out of state for one final trip, and then Rex and I will be relocating our home base.
It’s funny how moving really sneaks up on you. Such a major life event is never really a surprise, but it only starts to feel real in the last few weeks. You drive past something and think, “shit, I’ve been meaning to go there” or you take a good look at the calendar and realize “my days here are down to single digits”. I’m always taken aback by that — watching the finish line creep closer feels like a third person activity until it suddenly feels too near.
Facing something new brings rumination on the old. These are some thoughts as I prepare to close my chapter in southern California.
Apples Won’t Ever Be Oranges,
and there’s danger in comparing the two. No amount of wishing will transform something into what it is not.
Is Los Angeles the ideal place for me? No, certainly not. I’ve said that before. I don’t think it ever was or ever will be, and I’m not the first person to feel out of place in a big city. I’ve spent much of the past two years longing to be elsewhere.
Sitting at a Korean restaurant this weekend, under dim lights, smoke, and Soju, I looked down at the scribbles on the wall to find one of my favorite quotes: “Comparison is the thief of joy”. I’ve only ever consider this in the context of comparing my life, photography, and work to others. It never occurred to me that doing so with two physical places is no different.
LA is so unlike the other places I love, it’s almost dishonest to contrast them… but because I enjoy one place over another doesn’t mean it can’t be enjoyable. It just has to be appreciated differently — all rooted in accepting you will not find here what you’ve found elsewhere, and that everything is temporary (even your tattoos).
If comparison is the thief of joy, focusing on what something does not have would’ve made me blind to seeing what it does. I had to work hard to enjoy this place, and I still failed on occasion, but I’m glad I tried. I had to work hard not to rob myself of the present. You should try to make anything and everything enjoyable. It’s like winning: hard, sometimes cruel, and surely not guaranteed. The only way to assure your end result is by not trying. You may not come out on top, but what if you do?
Disregard the odds. Go all-in on your shit. Love a new city / situation the best you can. Don’t avoid experiences now because you’re longing for something in the future… “All the living that you’re saving won’t buy your dreams for you”
Takeaways: the good // the bad
An expansion of my likes/dislikes list… mostly things I’ve come to love, and will miss, about Southern California.
The La Brea Tar Pits Museum.
El Primo taco stand outside the Ralph’s parking lot, my favorite side quest after a 9pm grocery run.
The beautiful craftsman houses in Santa Monica.
The Armenian guys who run the corner store.
Sidewalk fruit stands.
Dodger Dogs / Crawford’s fried chicken.
Mandy’s Diner.
Beach sunsets.
The Mar Vista Farmer’s Market.
Driving PCH past 10pm.
Day trips to Ventura.
Koreatown.
A Pacific Ocean plunge, especially early morning or late at night.
The Godmother sandwich (spicy, with the works) from Bay Cities Deli.
Joshua Tree beers.
The drive up 395 to Mammoth.
Playing pool in a beach dive bar.
The cheeseburgers at The Window.
Ercole’s.
Critiquing the insane outfits I see daily.
31st St, Manhattan Beach.
My friends.
Things I will not miss:
Traffic.
Street parking.
No AC.
My small apartment.
Being harassed by homeless people.
$9 coffees.
$5/gal gas fill ups.
Traffic, again. (Had to make the list an even #)
Marine layer mornings.
The lack of seasons.
Much more to write about the journey ahead. Feeling excited, anxious, and everything in between — but that’ll have to wait for now. Happy with how I played this hand in Los Angeles.
Here’s a playlist of songs I listen to when I’m missing home or feeling out of place.
Top 4 listens (& personal favorites):
Creeker - Tyler Childers
In Your Atmosphere - John Mayer
New York’s Not My Home - Jim Croce
Cause - Rodriguez
The arc of discovering a new place followed by the nostalgia of the final few rounds of the most common places before you go is pretty surreal and awesome.
All the livin your’re saving won’t buy your dreams…I gotta check out 31st Street…what is it?