A Reminder

When I reflect on how I’ve spent my time, it usually ends in frustration.

Frustration that I haven’t done enough, or I’m not where I think I should be, and almost always frustration over the fact that I’m spending so much damn time thinking about it.

On May 22nd, I listened to the song “Time” by Pink Floyd no fewer than 10 times. On my drive to work… at work… the drive home… at home… as I’m writing this. I love that song, but it’s always paralyzed me. I listen to the lyrics and it sends me into a spiral of dread.

“You are young and life is long, but there is time to kill today.

And then one day you find ten years have got behind you.

No one told you where to run, you missed the starting gun.

And you run and you run to catch up with the Sun, but its sinking.

Racing around to come up behind you again.

The Sun is the same in a relative way, but you’re older.

Shorter of breath, one day closer to death.

Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time.

Plans that either come to naught, or half a page of scribbled lines.”

It feels like I’ve had more plans come to naught than I’ve carried out. I carry 3 notebooks in my backpack that are nothing but scribbled lines, drawings, and random ideas… I never seem to find the time, and often times I do feel like I’m running to catch up with the Sun. I look at the calendar and think, “how did I manage to do nothing in the past 3 weeks?”

On my 8th listen of the song, I started to wonder, “what if I had done all those things? What if I was able to start and complete everything I set out to do perfectly?” That’d probably mean I wasn’t human.

There has to be something about the thousands of things I’m trying to do, and the frustration that comes when I inevitably don’t do them, that’s just human nature. I doubt there has ever lived a person who accomplished every plan they dreamt of. Maybe someone in the distant past. Maybe someone in the distant future. But it’s not me.

Come to terms with it, note it, work on it. Perfection is the enemy of progress. If I can move forward with a few of the things I have at hand AND be grateful for it, I’m good. I don’t need to do it all… expecting that is expecting disappointment.

Writing this as a reminder to myself. Substack is about to be my platform for documenting my passion projects — what better place to have that reminder than my first post? This is also something for me to revisit in 4 months… If I’ve accomplished nothing by then, I truly am a loser and I spent 30 minutes writing this for nothing. My mom will object to that, and that’s why I love her.

Smile more too.

Time - Pink Floyd

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